( ic inbox )

[sorserer]

call; text

Comments

[sorserer]

[ the answer is slow to come and doesn't have his usual tidy punctuation. ]

what was a day like for you back home
were you even experiencing them normally given your circumstances

[originallutece]

No. Not really.

We had a task. I had a task. We would go through a single day over and over, changing factors as we needed to. From a lighthouse in the rain (cold, wet, I nearly broke my wrist twice, I hated it) to a boardwalk (that was pleasant; I didn't eat anymore, but I enjoy the smell of the artificial sea and cotton candy as well as anyone). We did it over and over, adjusting factors; we indulged in engaging in conversation on occasion. But our biggest experiment was offering two necklace pendants to a man, seeing which he'd choose.

I always offered a pendant with a cage on it. Robert offered a bird.

But sometimes we'd do things between those events. We'd dance, or walk around. We even played one of those stupid carnival games once. Pretend we were human again.

[sorserer]

self-instigated time loop?

[originallutece]

Correct, well done. Sometimes one day, sometimes a few. Very dull, but sadly necessary.

[sorserer]

either you did it or someone did it to you
one is marginally preferab;e

why was it necessary

[originallutece]

I did it to myself.

I was charged with protecting an idiot. He was here for a time, actually, though he's since gone. I would adjust factors as needed to keep him safe. He was facing an entire city; that's no mean task, hence how long it took me.

A year, I think. Though frankly, the trials blurred.

[sorserer]

did he choose correctly
if such a thing possible

[originallutece]

Eventually.

He chose the bird more than the cage, if that's what you mean. But eventually he got through the city, as well. Saved the girl, reset the timeline, all was well.

I was well on my way to Chicago, 1923, when I was pulled here. A hard-earned vacation.

[sorserer]

you and robert?

[ it's actually the first he's heard or seen the name, but it's not quite prying. not that he knows what it is. just more delineations. ]

[originallutece]

Robert and I, yes.

I wanted to dance. I enjoy dancing, when I don't have to worry about who's watching. A time period in which no one knew me seemed ideal.

The dresses were . . . interesting, but again: it wasn't as if anyone would know me.

[sorserer]

shame to have been interrupted.

[originallutece]

Well, yes, heading to a sex city wasn't quite on my plans, visitations to see France aside.

But it isn't all bad, I suppose.

For example: now I can bully you into dancing with me.

[sorserer]

good luck, im up to date on my anti bullying psas

[originallutece]

you'll give in. you like me too much not to.

Or is it that you have two left feet?

[sorserer]

cant say ive been practicing my ballroom
but you could do worse

[originallutece]

who says it will be a waltz? perhaps i'll demand swing

Tell me something you haven't told anyone else here.

[sorserer]

[ a long long long pause. ]

1000000 horrors in the multiverse and the thought of getting in a car makes me want to throw up

[originallutece]

[A pause, and then:]

yes. i imagine it does.

the thought of my mind being warped or touched in any way is far, far more horrifying than any damage my body might take.

[There's a few "still typing" bubbles that keep appearing, on and off, for ages and ages, until at last she deletes it all and lets that stay there.]

[sorserer]

curious how a realm can take away even cosmic power but cant just reach in our heads and flip a compliance switch.

[originallutece]

What would be the point? they want organic compliance. it's not fun otherwise.

Tell me a happy memory.

[sorserer]

my ex came w me to a conference in salamanca five years ago. she wasn't an ex then
i was keynoting
was a real prick abt it
abt most things
but the campus was beautiful. the city. this human being in a bed and breakfast with me

i held a certain conviction then that the things i did entitled me to the beauty and grace of the world
it logically follows most of my happy memories precede my time as a sorcerer

[originallutece]

do you hate it so much?

i realize it isn't the same as being a doctor, but surely you must have done something decent with that position.

or do you just spend all your time tying up strange women?

[that's actually a joke, or at least a tease.]

[sorserer]

hah

the question of happiness is
not trite but perhaps not the right question
i was happy as a surgeon. i loved pulling bullets out of brains and sectioning out frontal lobes so toddlers stopped having seizures and stacking surgical patents
i loved the or. i loved my job. i loved my car and my condo and my steinway

i devoted my life to widening a keyhole
now i have a million open doors

[originallutece]

ah.

I understand a bit better, I think.

I was . . . content, maybe, is the word, in my human life. In my lab, in my wealth, with my paintings and my shop and my status. I had a statue, did you know? A large one. They called me the woman who gave Columbia her wings. If you had asked me as a teenager, I would have told you that was all I wanted.

But. It's more interesting this way. Not always good. But interesting. You see the other path. The what-if. And you get to choose what you want to do.

I watched Booker DeWitt die a thousand times. And each time, I went back and I fixed his pathway, so he walked down the line I wished him to.

[sorserer]

was it right?
the fun thing about time loops is i can't tell just by hearing about them